


How About We Tell A Lie

by draig_asec



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Ambiguously Queer Spencer Reid, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Derek Morgan, Canon-Typical Violence, Divorce, F/F, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Good bro Penelope Garcia, Good bro Savannah Hayes, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mentions of Murder, Mentions of Rape, Oblivious Spencer Reid, Past/Referenced Suicide Attempts, Slow Burn, Understanding Savannah Hayes, not to any character but to cases
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-11-22
Packaged: 2021-01-08 04:37:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21229934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/draig_asec/pseuds/draig_asec
Summary: “Close your eyes,””Why?”“So I can kiss you,””Why?”“Because I love you,”AU Where Derek couldn’t leave yet and stays, set a little over year after‘A Beautiful Disaster’. And eventual Moreid.





	1. Chapter 1

“**_A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.”_**

_ -Elbert Hubbard _

Five hours. 

Five hours, after telling the team that he would be leaving, the papers not yet sighed and the tears still in Garcia's eyes, they got called out, and Derek asked to tag along. 

It didn't end that night either, Derek hadn't sat out a case yet, and the paper work was still filled out ready for his career to end while he kept saying _'one last case' _and_ 'I promise this is the last one' _no one believed it anymore, not after over a year, if asked Hotch probably wouldn't even be able to tell you what he had done with the files. 

Hank's first birthday had just passed and Derek was on the jet, phone full of pictures of his child and Reid, though he refused to look at the ones of Reid, quick shot's to asses the immediate damage done to the youngest agents body during this case.

Cannibal cults, Derek still couldn’t get the thoughts out of his head as they flew back to Virginia, Reid resting on his shoulder long hair a messy halo as he leaned into Derek. Of all the cases this was earning a place in the top most fucked up list, Hotch and Rossi were both asleep as soon as the plain took off, JJ was well on her way to join them and Prentiss was laying her head in JJ’s lap and the only one who didn’t look ready to sleep was Derek himself. 

Reid had been captured by members of the cult during their stay in the small Arkansas town, luckily they had made it in time to save Reid as well as _seven_ other young people locked in the cult’s basement. Turned out over half the town was involved, most of them inbred hicks who had started with killing people nearly 50 years before the time anyone at the FBI would be involved, going on a killing spree every 10 years. Derek shuddered as he thought of it. 

What the fucking hell is this world.

Derek sighed and moved to play with a stand on Reid's hair, "So strong," he whispered, he knew he needed to quite, him and Savannah had agreed but by now even she didn't bring it up.

"What's strong," Reid mumbled catching Derek's attention as he blinked up sleepily at him. Derek smiled down at him, tucking a strand of messy brown hair behind the younger mans ear 

“You are,” he said and before anything else is said Reid smiles and buries his face in Derek’s shoulder, going back to a peaceful, somehow, sleep. 

Derek pulled Reid a little closer and thought back,

_I know you hate goodbyes, kid._

_ And change. _

_Hey. It isn't always a bad thing. _

_[Sighs] I just can't imagine this room without you. _

_So don't. Don't think about it. Just know I'm always gonna be by your side. I'm just a phone call away. I'm sorry I can't stay. _

_I don't want you to stay. Because I know why you're leaving and I couldn't be happier for you. _

_Listen, we were gonna mail these, but I wanted you to have a birth announcement first. _

_Hank Spencer Morgan. _

_Yeah. Hank is for my pops. _

_But Spencer is for the best little brother anybody could ever ask for. _

_I love you, kid. _

_I love you. _

_So, look, uh, my little dude, he's gonna need a big brother, too. _

_To teach him everything he knows about life. _

_And chess._

_ [Laughs] _

_I can do that._

_I know you can. _

_I want you to see him._

Spencer was good with Hank, always sitting on him, and got along great with Savannah even if she didn’t understand why Sunday nights they _had_ to watch Star Trek.

It was Saturday now and Derek got the feeling tomorrow him and Spencer would be on the couch watching it with Hank, and then Monday Spencer would have a psych evaluation, to see if he was okayed for duty again.

They landed and Derek drove Spencer home, before heading to his own.

”How bad was it?” 

Derek smiles as he saw Savannah on the couch. Beautiful as always even in ratty jeans and one of his shirts, her hair tied up and what looked like food thrown on the sleeve of her shirt, definitely from Hank. She was beautiful. He sighs and fell next to her, “One of the worst,” he kisses her cheek, “Can we just go to bed?” She smiles and nods.

”Yeah Der, come on,” she kisses him, “We got Star Trek tomorrow,” and they both give a small laugh as they walk up the stairs, “Hey you think Spencer will teach me to play chess?”

”I think he’d love to,”

_ **“For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.”** _   
_— Audrey Hepburn_


	2. Chapter 2

_“**Ultimately the bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or in friendship, is conversation.”**_  
_ – Oscar Wilde_

Savannah rolled her eyes at the scene, Hank was only a year old and was far too engrossed in Star Trek. She was sitting on the left Hank propped up between herself and Spencer, Derek was half on top of the thinner man, rubbing his own face in Spencer's neck as he made some ridiculous joke about a science fiction horror novel that had Spencer squirming away from him while they both laughed.

"Huh what about you little man?" Spencer looked at Hank, it was always strange to see his odd way of handling kids, loving and sweet but by god, Savannah thought, he does not know how to talk to them, "Do you wanna come to comic con with us?" he petted the mess of hair of Hank's head and Savannah watched as Derek pressed himself up against Spencer's back and made faces at Hank before turning to Savannah for the first time in almost two hours.

"What you say Princess, gonna let us dress Hank up as a weeping angel?" He resting his chin on Spencer's shoulder and wrapping his arms around the other man's waist. 

"As long as he's safe you two do whatever you want."

Now Savannah is not a stupid woman, she knows how her husband feels. She just doesn't think he does yet, but he touches Spencer in the way he should be touching her, not sexually, though she wonders if he's thought about it or if he just buries the thoughts, but he holds the younger man the way he should hold her, like he was the center of Derek's universe, like the world only goes past Spencer enough to reach Hank and his family. 

Derek Morgan loves Spencer Reid. 

She didn't even notice until she was pregnant, and she knows she has to talk to him about this soon, but she loves him, and wants him happy, even if he's in denial.

She zones back in as Spencer squeaks loudly, and sees the man hitting her husband's chest lightly, "Derek do you have any self control, what the hell," he was joking and rubbing at his neck, did Derek bite spener? Savannah looks over and see the fearful look on Derek's face, Spencer looks back at him half smiling while looking concerened.

"Der are you okay?" Derek doesn't answer getting up and walking away, Spencer turns his attention to Savannah, "Do you know what's wrong?"

She smiles at him, and she knows he can tell it's bittersweet, "Has anyone ever told you that, for a genius you're really dumb?"

"Uh.. no?" he responds brows furrowing in confusion.

"Watch Hank, I am gonna go talk to him," she picks up the baby handing him tp Spencer then heads to the bedroom, at the door she pauses and looks back at the man, and sees the way he's sitting up her son in his lap, and letting the baby play with his hands.

"You look right," she calls out, making him look at her in confusion again, she just nods affirming what she said before opening the door to see Derek who was washing his face in the bathroom.

"What are you doing," Derek startles for a moment before seeing her and smiling.

"Nothing princess just needed the Reid germs out of my mouth," he attempt a joke.

"So at least your not completl unaware," Savannah takes a deep breath, "Derek I need you to tell me,"

"Tell you what Savannah?" he dries off his face.

"That you love him."

...

The silence in the room is deafening she can hear the faint sound of Star Trek reruns and Spencer talking to Hank in the next room but her and Derek are looking each other in the eye and he has all her focus, the man she feel for, the one who stole her heart, who understood the scheduled and struggles, the father of her son, the man who din't love her back.

"I don't know what you're talking about," liar she thinks, then she gets an idea.

"Okay so you wouldn't mind if I set Spencer up on a date with a work friend of mine would you,"

"Savannah what is this," he looks broken, like he's caught in a lie, and he's knows he isn't ready to admit it but he needs to.

"His name is Jeremy, he's 6 years older than Spencer, mixed," she can see the anger at the thought of Spencer with someone else but, her an d Penelope have been talking about thi, maybe it's manipulation but someone needs to push him and it isn't going to be either one of them, so she keeps going "he's an EMT but he used to be a surgeon, he's bi and brilliant and he actually looks a lot like you, and Spencer is just his type, hell maybe they'll hit it off, and by this time next year Spencer will have a ring on his finger, and you'll still be with me and Hank while he losses interest in you because he's got a man who actually wants him,"

”Vannah _we_ are married,” he said like it was an excuse almost for, and her heart ached. 

“Tell me, if I hadn’t gotten pregnant would you have not eventually left for him,”

”I love you, I’d never be with Spencer where is this even coming from?” He sounded insulted, and if she didn’t know better she would have believed him. 

“I love you too,” and in her mind she knew it just wasn’t the same type of love, “go back in the living room I’m gonna make some lunch,”

”Vannah baby, are you gonna tell me why you think that?”

”You know why,” she sighed, “Now go stop being a baby we’ve got Hank too feel that roll,

she walked out and heard him fallow a moment later, and as she made her way to the kitchen she saw him sit next to Spencer and Hank, Spencer wasn’t now holding the baby over his head making airplane noises. 

“Hey Spence you want some coffee?” She called.

”Yes please,” and he was smiling at her as he put Hank on his chest, she smiled back, Spencer is a good man, “Hey, do you still wanna play chess after he goes down for a nap?” He called out before she went into the kitchen.

”Yeah, I promise I’m a fast learner,” she grinned at him once before making starting the coffee pot and thinking about if the divorce she knew was coming, even if Derek was still far in denial. Savannah put some soup on for lunch and made sandwiches.

The day passed slowly, Derek spent most of it in an almost shocked state, while Spencer and her played chess and talked about Hank. Towards the end of the night, they were playing a lay game and Derek seemed to finally have snapped out of the shocked state. 

“hey Spence, I was wanting to start looking for pre-schools for Hank, could you maybe help me find one? I know he’s a bit young but I figured a year or two from now he needs one,”

”Isn’t that more a job for you and Derek to do together?” He looked confused, and of course he was oblivious still but he needed to be involved.

”Well I want me and you to have a good relationship when all of this is done and for me that means I want you involved in this,”

He stares at her for a moment, “I’m not sure what you mean, but yeah I’ll help look for pre-schools with you, Hank deserves a good education,” she smiled at him. Then went back to the game, even though she knew she was going to lose. 

“_**Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in, continue firm & constant.”**  
– Socrates_


	3. Chapter 3

** _“I am not a broken heart. I am not collarbones or drunken letters never sent. I am not the way I leave or left or didn’t know how to handle anything, at any time, and I am not your fault.“_ **   
_Charlotte Eriksson_

Spencer leaned his head against the armrest as he let out a frustrated sound, he had came over for a game night, that ended up mostly being Henry yelling about how pictionary made no sense and William chasing the boy up and down the halls, but now Henry was in bed and Spencer was stretched out along the love seat chatting with the couple about Derek's behavior the day before.

"I mean why the fuck would he bite me?' he said with a sigh looking at the married couple for answers.

"Because he can't kiss you with his wife and son there?" Will chimed in with a half joking tone.

"Please we all know Derek is straight," Spencer said with a half-hearted throw of a pillow.

"Hey we don't know that for sure now cher, maybe he's in love with you too, pretty boy," JJ joined in on the laughter this time leaning into her husband as Spencer gave what could only be described as a puppy dog pout when William used Derek's pet name for Spencer.

"I mean it is Derek though, has he ever been known to have the best logic, hell maybe marrying and having a kid with a woman was all just him waiting for Spencer to make a move," Spencer groaned again burying his face in the cousions as he got a call. 

"Hey Garcia," he said waiting to here what nonsense the analyst had this time.

"Hello to you to baby love muffin, now how would my favorite sexy boy genius like to come drinking with me tonight?"

"I'm at JJ's and Will's,"

"Cool we can all go then,"

"They have Henry," he looked over at the couple's questioning looks and mouthed drinks,

"Okay well tell them i need you,"

"But you don't,"

"I am going to stay very sober tonight i just want one last night of dancing with you and Derek okay give me that!" she screamed into the phone.

"Garcia what's going on?" he swung his legs up to a sitting position. Sure he wasn't as close to Garcia as Morgan but it wasn't that far off,despite that she never actually got mad or hurt over him skipping a night and Garcia for once sounded pained by the idea of Spencer skipping.

"Kevin doesn't know how condems work so i need a night spent dancing with my favorite men, that are not Kevin. Now be at the bar in twenty minutes that is not a question," She hung up the phone and Spencer looked over at JJ,

"Garcia is pregnant and demands me and Derek to dance the night away with her,"

After a few minutes of shock Spencer left the house, and drove to the bar, where Garcia was sipping some virgin version of one of her too fruity drinks while Derek stared at her from two feel away,

"AND NOW I HAVE A PLUM IN ME CAUSE OF AN ASSHOLE WHO DOESN'T KNOW WHAT AN EXPIRATION DATE IS," He heard Garcia rant in Derek's face moving her arms rapidly as she talked.

"And what are you going to do, about the plum?" Derek asked hesitantly as Garcia glared at him. She didn't answer until she saw Spencer sit quietly next to Derek who shot him a relieved look.

"You two dweebs are going to be the godfathers, JJ is the godmother, and we are moving up announcements and dates." she said it all while she continued to stab the ice in her drink angrily with a straw.

"Move up what?" Derek asked beginning to half cower behind Spencer.

"Oh yeah, me and Kevin got engaged a few months back, we were going to wait to schedule the wedding until we knew you guys can be there but now i don't want to give birth before i get to wear a pretty white dress so will you be my men of honor?" she rushed it out smiling at them both.

"What?" Spencer asked.

"I want you Mrs Spencer Reid and Mr Derek Morgan to be my men of honor, like stand by me and walk m down the isle and give speeches cause i don't give one fuck about anything i am getting my beautiful wedding whether i have a baby or not," she said the last part pointing her straw at them like a weapon.

"I would love that baby girl," Derek said, now with an honest smile as Garcia relaxed a bit in her chair. Spencer took a deep breath before answering himself,

"As long as I will be wearing a suit and not a dress I am more than happy to be on of you men of honor," he joked getting a laugh out of both of them before an old love song began to play and Penelope dragged him towards the dance floor and Derek turned to watch them move awkwardly, mostly due to Spencer's inability to lead a slow dance, together. 

"What do you think of Hank?" Penelope asked as he spends her once.

"What do you mean?" he counters as he pulls he back and watches the ground to avoid stepping on her feet.

"Like if Savannah was to leave Derek now, and Derek I don't know, told someone he loved you, would Hank be a problem for you getting with him?" She looked up to see Derek's easy smile as he watchd them even tho his eyes kept slipping down to Spencer's ass.

"What kid of question is this?"

"A hypothetical one," she rested her head on his shoulder hoping they could just sway a bit so Spencer would stop stepping on her feet.

"No Hank wouldn't be the problem," And how did Spencer’s voice sound so sad even to himself. 

***

The next day Derek has drove both his “babies” to work with him after they all spent the night watching Lord Of The Rings at Penelope’s apartment. Now though they were in the bull pen, after spending a nice day doing paperwork all about to head off for the night and joking around, Penelope was sitting on top Emily’s desk talking loudly about baby names with Emily and J.J. and surprisingly Hotch who was just as excited, while Rossi looked on in what Spencer could only describe as pure horror. 

Rossi looked over at Spencer and pointed, “Never have children,” which caused all the others to laugh, “I’m serious he’s the only one still safe, don’t do it kid,” and Spencer threw his head back laughing along with them. 

Of course that’s were Derek’s eyes would go, all the women noticed, the way every time Spencer laughed Derek's eyes would trail over the younger man's skin and probably end up transfixed on his lips. Not that Spencer seemed to notice, but for once Derek was hyper aware of his own staring.

"Trust me, I don't think I'll ever be in that situation Rossi," Spencer joked along.

"Yeah because you've only ever loved one person, and were too dumb to ever make a move," JJ shot back making most of the team laugh again.

"I don't think his girlfriend dying is exactly the type of thing to laugh at," Derek snapped at them and Hotch and the irls started laughing louder.

"Kid they aren't talking about Maeve," Hotch shouted.

"You can't be the only one who doesn't know Reid is gay," JJ added.

"I am not gay, for the milianth time,"

"Yeah he's just our sexy little queer," Garcia chipped in laughing louder when Spencer banged his head against the desk. 

"Derek save me please," He looked ove at the dark skinned man with a put upon pout.

"Bad choice pretty boy," Derek said before picking Spencer up and throwing him over his shoulder, "Good night guys Spencer is going to teach Savannah how to play chess,"

The teams laughed and cheered as Derek ran them outside and Spencer gave a small put upon struggle,"

They both pretended not to hear Penelope's cut off shout of "You should teach him how to ride your delicious-" until they were outside and Derek placed Spencer on the hood of the car.

"Do I actually have to have another chess lesson with Savannah," Spencer asked.

"Nah, Vannah is staying with her mom right now," he kept his head down silently praying Spencer both questioned why, and that he didn't.

"How come, is Mrs Hayes alright,"

"Yeah she's fine but me and Vannah aren't,"

"Derek please tell me you didn't just throw away your marrige? I'm sure whatever the issue it is you too can work it out,"

Derek sighed and patted Spencer's thigh, "We'll talk about it at my place, we are watching Doctor Who and eating chinese from that place you like so much," Spencer nodded slightly before climbing into the passenger seat, Derek climed into his as well, silently trying to come up with reason why him and Savannah were separating that wasn't,_ "She found out I am in love with you,"_

** _“I have to admit, an unrequited love is so much better than a real one. I mean, it’s perfect… As long as something is never even started, you never have to worry about it ending. It has endless potential.“_ **   
_Sarah Dessen_


	4. Chapter 4

_ **"You don't love someone for their looks, or their clothes or their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear."** _

_**-**Oscar Wilde_

Derek and Reid both got settled in the couch, food cartons lining Dereks coffee table as they started up the first episode. Spencer layer his head on Derek’s shoulder as they shared the dumplings.

Derek made the occasion joke about how Spencer couldn’t use chopsticks, but mostly just stayed silent as they watched the episode. Spencer was only half paying attention, the mood in the room was calm and sweet, domestic in an almost loving way. The show had ended and now Derek was playing some song while the both finished the food.

Spencer’s mind however was playing a little fantasy he would never speak of. Of him and Derek, with little kisses and playing with Hank, and sweet moment that weren’t reserved for him. That would never be. 

“Are you really in love with someone?” Derek asked as the episode closed, the song changing the Bowie to Morrisseyas his hands moved idly to card threw Spencer’s hair. 

“Yeah. It’s great, actually I’m writting a book, The Pleasure’s Of Unrequited Love, a novel by Dr Spencer Reid should be coming out soon,” he joked, hoping Derek wouldn’t push.

“Who are they?”

“None of your business,” His voice was calm, but this really isn’t a conversation to have while half cuddling on a couch.

“You’re my best friend,” Spencersaid after a beat of silence,

“I know,”he shifted his head in confusion, then continued as if talking to himself, “Maybe that’s it. Maybe that’s why these feeling exist, why else right? The person you fall for is supposed to be your best friend,” Spencer felt his breath stop, and could feel the moment Derek’s entire body tensed, before Derek started talking again like the word vomit coming out in waves, “I’m so sorry! I never meant to say that Spencer please, please just forget I ever said that,” word after word feel from his mouth and he Spencer couldn’t move. Derek knew. Derek just wanted to forget but Spencer could feel tears pooling in his eyes and he still couldn’t move, so his head was still pressed into Derek’s side and Derek was still talking, “I’m so sorry please say something anything, just say you don’t hate me Spence please,”

“I’m sorry,” Spencer said moving to turn away from Derek, looking around the room for were he put his shoes. 

“You don’t to apologize, I know you don’t feel the same, I just don’t have co-“ Spencer’s mind finally caught up to reality then.

Derek wasn’t talking about knowing how Spencer wanted him, he was saying he... wanted Spencer too.

“You’re married,” Savannah was literally everything Derek could have wanted and he was sitting here talking about Spencer like she wasn’t, as much as Spencer wanted to kiss him right now he did his best to remain calm and think logically.

“We’re separating,”

“Why?”

“Because I’m in love with you,”

“Why,” 

“Because you’re perfect,” Spender moves to look at Derek properly, starring at him. 

“You know I’m not,”

“Close your eyes,” he whispered. 

“Why?”

“So I can kiss you,” 

“Why?”and Spencer smiled. 

“Because I love you,” and then he didn’t give Derek the chance, Spencer leaned in and pressed his lips to his friends a simple chaste kiss, then he looked in Derek’s eyes again and Derek was smiling back. One of Derek’s hands bunched up in his hair, and they both leaned in again. 

Derek sure as hell knew what he was doing, his lips moved to control the gentle kiss, and Spencer followed his head, one of his hands where cupping Derek’s neck and the other resting on his friends bicep, and this might be the best kiss he’s ever gotten. Then Derek pulls away,

“I love you too,”

_ **"Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind"** _

_ -William Shakespeare _

**Author's Note:**

> Don’t forget to leave kudos and comments to validate my life!
> 
> error-im-dead-inside-error on tumblr 
> 
> draig_aswec on insta if you wanna talk about literally anything but especially Criminal Minds


End file.
